Motherhood in Law (ie. Pumping in a Starbucks Parking Lot)
After returning to work as an attorney after birthing babies, here is a list of some of the places I’ve pumped breast milk:
A Starbucks parking lot
An empty office
A small bathroom at work
A “mother” room at work
In opposing counsel’s law firm’s parking lot before, on a break, and then after depositions
In a bathroom during a break in mediation
In the parking lot outside of multiple courthouses
While driving to a deposition, arbitration, court hearings, and trials (thanks hand free breast pumps!)
Rushing into the house to pump after a long drive home
The time I pumped breast milk in the Starbucks parking lot might be my most memorable.
I had just returned to work after having our first kid. It was my first deposition back. I was so excited to return to work, realizing early on in motherhood that I was going to be a better mother if I went back to work (shout out to all the stay-at-home parents too! Do what is best for you!)
Preparing for the deposition felt familiar and intriguing. I reviewed medical records and expert reports and added relevant questions to my tried-and-true outline. I mapped out the directions to the firm and picked out my outfit.
I was almost out the door, when I realized it, “Shit! When and where am I going to pump?!?!”
In all that preparation for the practice of law, I had not thought through how I was going to pump as a mother!
The “how to pump breast milk as a new mother while practicing law” manual I had never read. It didn’t exist. No one had ever helped me think through how to go back to work while also taking care of my body and my child’s needs. It was never a question or a thought offered to me by my boss or colleagues. In truth, I had never thought to ask anyone myself.
And so, I did what all new parents do. I figured it out on the fly. I grabbed my pump – luckily remembering all the 1,400 parts required to make it work, capture and then store the breast milk I would hope to pump – and jumped in the car. While I was driving to the deposition, I calculated how long it had been since I last pumped. As I was normally early to depositions, this worked out in my favor as I had about 30 extra minutes to spare.
But where was I going to pump?
I had been to this law firm once before. It was mid-sized and I remembered the two-stall bathroom formation. I didn’t remember any clearly marked “mother rooms.” I ran through the attorneys I had worked with at the firm – most of them were men or older women. They may have had a younger female attorney, but I had no idea if she had had a kid already and would have faced my predicament.
I could not imagine asking the court reporter, deponent, and other counsel to “give me the room so I could pump” before the deposition started. And that was presuming the conference room had no windows!
I also was mortified at the idea of pumping in their women’s bathroom. I would need to do it in the stall, while sitting on the hard toilet.
From my experience, the pumping mechanism makes a very particular and noticeable sound. If you heard that noise in a bathroom, you would be seriously concerned about what was happening in the stall next to you.
The answer to my predicament came in the form of a familiar, slightly odd-looking, green mermaid queen – ie. a Starbucks. The Starbucks was close to the law firm where the deposition was taking place and had a decently sized parking lot. I pulled into the farthest corner from the road. I tried to angle my car away from the store entrance. I got all the pumping equipment out and I used my navy blazer jacket to try and “cover-up.” I was feeling pretty proud of myself.
And then I started to laugh. Really hard. Because the picture of what I was doing was ridiculous! Just a few months before, I had done something miraculous by literally bringing life into this world. Now, I was hiding from strangers in a parking lot pumping milk that would keep that child alive.
Law firms say they want women to return to work after having babies. But the truth is there is often zero support for women in what that practically is going to look like.
The truth is that after that first unexpected, wildly hilarious pumping experience in the Starbucks parking lot, I became pretty good at pumping while working as an attorney. And I was able to pump for as long as I chose to.
I can’t change the law firm environment you’re in. But for all those new or soon-to-be-new mothers, let me present:
The “How To Pump Breastmilk As a New Mother While Practicing Law” Manual
Use what works for you and leave the rest! You are the best person to figure out what will work for your situation. And for those looking to be allies to new moms, keep reading and also check out my article on being Allies to New Moms in their return to work.
Time It Out
We all end up getting on different pumping routines for how much time passes between when we need to pump. On the days you have an appearance or have to leave home for work, plan out exactly what times you are going to pump and where. Use an alarm system on your phone or watch if that helps.
Have a Pumping Backup
This has saved me more times than I can remember. There will inevitably be a time when you forget that one tiny but critical piece of your regular pumping machine.
If you bring a hand-held backup with you, you won’t have quite as much anxiety about how you’re going to pump after you’re done swearing. And it’ll save you frantically googling where the closest Target is or having to call to cancel the appearance due to “an unforeseen emergency.”
While you’re at it, make sure you stuff extra milk bags in every work purse/briefcase you might use. Also, think about adding a dedicated cooler bag to store the pumped milk. I also kept a spare black shirt in my car in case my boobs decided it was time to kick milk production into high gear without telling me first. I never had to use it but it felt good knowing it was there in case milk got onto my shirt.
Pump On The Go
I have many friends who have taken advantage of developing technology so that they pumped while on their way to or from work in their car. This is genius! If you are able to get some newer pumping technology that lets you pump in the “hands-off” approach, more power to you!
Just don’t forget to re-adjust your shirt before exiting the car. I had one friend who barely caught that her tank top was unlatched before leaving her car. She now puts her purse in a hard-to-reach spot in the back seat just to remind her to double-check.
Alert the Judge
A trial is always exhilarating. It’s also time-consuming. Add to your pre-trial hearings a topic on timing for breaks to allow you to pump. If you need a mid-morning, longer lunch break, or afternoon break, make that clear in the record before starting the trial.
If you’re not comfortable telling the Court your reason, simply say it is for personal and health reasons. I bet they don’t pry. And if they do, they’ll most likely back off real quick when you tell them the truth. A simple, “Your Honor, I recently gave birth and have chosen to breastfeed my child. I need time to pump while I am at trial away from my child” should suffice.
Also, wear dark shirts and put pads in your bra each day, just in case. When you’re in the midst of killing it in your closing and don’t want to take a break, you’ll be thankful they’re there.
Don’t Push It
I can tell you from experience that there is a certain place in hell for attorneys that talk forever when you have run past the time when you need to pump. Your breasts do not care that you are defending your client in a million-dollar lawsuit. They will leak when they feel like it.
If I can help one person avoid having to awkwardly excuse themselves to go to the bathroom to put toilet paper in their bra, then I’ve done my job.
Do not feel bad about asking for and enforcing time for a break. You don’t need to explain. No one else is entitled to a reason. In fact, from my experience, people never care about why people need a break. They are more concerned with the case at hand. So, don’t take yourself so seriously and ask for the breaks your body needs.
Give Yourself Grace
This is hard. Like really hard.
As a reminder, you are doing all the work to:
coordinate how to pump,
then spending all the time actually pumping,
while expensing all the energy it takes to be a new parent,
while also doing all the tasks you normally did at work before having the kid(s).
It’s a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And all your feelings are completely warranted and normal.
So as often as you can, I want nothing more than for you to really hear what I’m about to tell you. You are doing great. You are doing enough. You are an incredible parent and still are an awesome attorney.
The practice of law won’t look exactly like it did before for you. But neither is any other part of your life. Embrace the change. Be aware of all the inevitable self-doubt thoughts that will flood your head. And as often as you can, choose to believe the opposite of whatever the negative thought says. Let go of perfection. It’s called the practice of law right? I promise you will get through this.
And just as importantly, when you decide that it is right for you and your family to stop pumping, whether you pumped for one day or hundreds, I hope you celebrate and are proud of yourself. You deserve it!
In the end, you are joining the thousands of new mothers who have returned to work and who are successful attorneys.
And here’s what I can tell you. The lived experience of returning to work as a new parent gives you an unexpected edge. I am a better attorney because of all the hardship and hilarity of being a new parent.
Deep breaths. You’ve got this.