Allies to Mothers Pumping While Practicing Law

If you’re reading this, it’s likely you read my article “Practicing Law as a New Mother: Pumping While In a Starbucks Parking Lot” and now you want to know how to be an ally.

You are so welcome here!  

As a quick review, after returning to work as a new mother, I chose to breastfeed my kids. I was so excited to return to work. I realized early on in motherhood that I was going to be a better mother if I went back to work (shout out to all the stay-at-home parents too! Do what is best for you!)

The only problem was that in all the years practicing law before having kids, no one told me all the challenges I’d face on my return to work as a new mother!

 For our purposes here, we’re talking specifically about how you can be an ally (ie. a supporter, an advocate, a champion) for those you work with and interact with while you practice law yourself.

 So, let me introduce you to the:

“How to Be an Ally to New Mothers Who May Be Choosing To Pump Breast Milk For Their Kid Upon Returning To Work” Manual

First: Realize that this woman has just brought human life into this world. She is a god-damn warrior and should be celebrated. Consider throwing her a party on that theme upon her return to work.

Second: That little human will need food to survive. Her decision on how and what to feed her kid is entirely personal and not up for discussion or inquiry. There are countless reasons why people feed their kid breast milk or formula. Neither is better or worse.

She may be:

·      breastfeeding the child exclusively, or

·      pumping and breastfeeding, or

·      pumping, breastfeeding and giving formula.

The thing to know here is that it can be complicated and stressful. Pumping can take 5 minutes or 55 minutes. It varies for each person and throughout time.

Your job as an ally is to tell her you’re glad she’s back, that she’s doing great, and simply ask if there is any way you can support her as she returns to work. 

Third: Ask your boss if there is a place for new mothers to pump after having babies. You can do this anytime, no matter what your gender is.

This is hopefully something the firm has already thought of and remedied. But if they haven’t, the inclusive thing to do is to ask. Right now. Today. Stop reading this and send an email.

Imagine being in a body that needs you to spend 30+ minutes getting a liquid out of your body to keep someone you love alive, and then ask yourself if you’d like to do that several times a day in a semi-public place?

Even if you are a person who knows they will never be giving birth, new mothers need people exactly like you to be asking. And we need you to keep asking until a comfortable, private space is created in your office that is advertised to everyone who comes to visit.

For it might just be me as opposing counsel who needs the space.

Fourth: Don’t be an asshole. If you are in a hearing, virtual or in person, feel free to ask the group ahead of time if there is any need to build in 30-minute breaks. This is especially important if you know an attorney involved has had a baby in the last two years.

Building this habit into your practice will not single out a new mother while also providing a safe space for her to speak up and ask for the time she may need to pump. Don’t make it a big deal. Normalize taking breaks if and/or when they’re asked for without question.

Fifth: Advocate for expanded paid parental leave time. The world is going to continue to have babies. Selfishly, I’d much rather have a colleague come back to work who has had more than 3 hours of sleep. They’re just more fun to work with.

I’m also seeing more men talking about the benefits of paid parental leave for themselves and their families. Honor and support that call as well even if you’ll never get to benefit. Even though I missed out on the benefits of a new program giving more parents paid time off, I celebrated and praised the policy as I knew how important that was for the firm and my colleagues, present and future.

If you want to be a part of a law firm that competes for and retains the best talent and your favorite colleagues, providing real benefits to new parents will help that immensely.

In the end, anyone can be an ally to new mothers who choose to pump upon their return to work. That includes you!

And if you’re trying to remember why you started to read this article in the first place, go back and read my article describing the hardship and hilarity of just one aspect of what it’s like to work after birthing humans. If I can do that, you can do this.