The Unexpected Allyship Lesson in ‘How The Grinch Stole Christmas’

Two years ago, I was watching the movie “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” (the Jim Carrey version), with my 4 year old daughter, and I realized something I hadn’t before. I noticed an important silence.

It was at that part where all the kids are being mean to the young Grinch. My ever curious daughter asked, “why are they all being so mean to him?” I took that pause that all people do when asked the inevitable “why” question by a kid.

I began to explain that the boy and the other kids were being bullies. I threw in that they were being mean, maybe because they weren’t confident enough in their own worth. They hadn’t learned yet that they are enough all by themselves. I then added that sometimes even adults have this problem (thinking of the teacher in the scene).

And then I thought of something I hadn’t thought of before. I was leaving out one of the worst offenders in the entire scene, Martha May Who!

Her silence in the scene is deafening. She stands by the biggest bully and says and does nothing. She has the privilege of not speaking up, and by staying silent, she is just as mean as the others.

In a very deep sense, she was embodying the silence I have taken as a white woman, at times, throughout my life on race. It was an immediately earth-shaking awakening.

And so, I took the opportunity to talk about it. I told my curious 4-year old that Martha May Who was also being mean. Instead of being brave, she stayed silent and that was just as mean as what the other kids were doing. I explained that if she had been brave she would have moved and stood next to the Grinch and used her words to tell the other kids to stop. I told her that she made a mistake by standing still and being silent. And her decision had real consequences – both for the Grinch’s isolation and for her own sadness as she grew up.

If I’m being honest, in many ways, I am the adult version of Martha May Who. A white woman painfully aware and living with the consequences of my own silence on race.

My daughter then asked, “Is Cindy Lou brave?” I realized my 4-year old was right. While it was important to note to her how we shouldn’t be going into strangers’ houses via the doggy door, we also talked about how she was braver.

She spoke up for the Grinch when no one would. She spent her own time learning about him and his history. And she developed a friendship with the Grinch himself. It is in no way a perfect picture of allyship as she is in many ways reaching out to the Grinch for her own benefit. But Cindy Lou Who is a sign of how we can do better. And that’s a change I can get behind. 

When this conversation happened, I wasn’t quite ready to have the first of many race conversations. So, I focused on encouraging the brave behaviors allies exhibit when they show up for others. Since then, as I continue to see and explore my own white privilege, we are having more race conversations as a family.

As I learn more, I share what I learn with my kids. It’s not always the most eloquent. In fact, it’s often messy, complicated, and includes me googling something mid-conversation because I don’t know something.

But I'd rather “get it wrong” and show my daughter how to try rather than be an example of silence.

As a parent, I’m thankful for these new moments of realization. By seeing them and talking about them with my kids, I’m hopefully setting an expectation of how we behave. Just like us, our kids will have plenty of opportunities to stand up for others.

I can accept my past as a Martha May Who, be aware I am more like Cindy Lou now, AND keep doing the work to transform into a truly meaningful ally to the people of color around me each day. I can do my best and “start where I am” (an invitation from the amazing Ibram X. Kendi). In this way I can also set an example for my daughter on what it looks like to be a white woman ally.

As I think back to that moment two years ago, I’m thankful for the curiosity of my daughter. Curiosity continues to be such a good friend as I work on being a better ally. It is especially helpful when allyship lessons show up in unexpected places.

Authors note: If you are a parent or have kids in your life, I highly recommend you check out, The Conscious Kid. You can find them on Instagram as well.