The Time I Deposed a Muslim Plaintiff

He refused to shake my hand.

I was the only woman in the room, for a deposition I had scheduled, and that person refused to shake my hand. As we had all walked into the room, the deponent willingly accepted the male hands outstretched in greeting. But when he got to me, he refused to shake my hand.

For half a beat, everyone stood still. For half a beat, I was mad as hell. And then luckily, with my hand still outstretched, I realized what was happening.

The deponent was Muslim.

Instead of taking my hand, he looked me in the eye and put his hand on his chest instead.

In a split second, I recalled the learning I had done before about people who hold the Muslim faith. For some Muslim men, instead of shaking hands with women, they place their hands over their hearts as a sign of respect. This deponent was not disrespecting me, but showing me deep respect with this single choice of greeting.

Understanding, I slowly placed my hand over my heart, smiled a little, and said, “Thank you. Let’s begin.” We sat down and I began the deposition as I would normally.

And I was so damn grateful that I had done some learning about the Muslim faith before entering the freaking room. Instead of feeling physically angry, upset, embarrassed, and worried, my learning helped me relax and understand what was happening.

Instead of potentially being thrown off my game because of that moment, I not only was able to conduct the deposition I had prepared, but I was able to ask more insightful questions and obtain relevant information about how the incident at issue impacted the Plaintiff’s ability to engage with his faith. This information directly impacted my client’s case and my ability to advocate for them.

In other words, the learning I had done about people unlike me not only saved my ass from feeling terrible, but it actually helped me be a better attorney!

And that’s the entire point of why I started The Inclusive Attorney. To share stories like this one and encourage us all to take the time NOW to learn about people unlike us so that when you walk into your own “Oh shit” situation at work, you’ll have more tools to understand what may be happening.  

It is also important to note that the Muslim man I deposed that day also exhibited his own courage by choosing not to take my hand. He was the only man of color in the room and likely the only Muslim. My impression of him during the deposition was that he was a kind, thoughtful, and faithful person. Looking back, I deeply respect his bravery in honoring his own faith.

Inclusive Attorney Takeaways:

·      The more learning you do about cultural differences, the better prepared you will be in understanding others in your law practice. 

·      If you don’t put the time into learning about others now, it will be too late. 

·      Spending time learning about others will make you more successful in your practice of law.